I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
