when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize