Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
