if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please, let me fuck your mom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize