Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
