Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
