I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
