I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
