sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
