batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize