david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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