You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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