Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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