I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
