Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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