its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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