I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
