During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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