So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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