Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
