I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize