He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
