I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
