We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
