It's Friday. Sex?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
