It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
