11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
