Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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