this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
