It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
