Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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