Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
