I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
