no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
