She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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