And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
