Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
