it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
