after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
