why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize