If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
