Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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