Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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