So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize