i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
