I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
