TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
