About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
