did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it hurts more in the daytime
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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