I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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