yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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