Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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