Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
