I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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