You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm getting married
To pizza
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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