I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
