i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
