Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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