just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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