Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Randomize
