Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
