I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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