i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
