Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
