"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
