Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
