you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
