oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
