Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
