Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
