Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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