So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i dont even know how to be here
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
