I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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