oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
