Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
