like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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