I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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