I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
