He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
