I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
