After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
