There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
