Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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