you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize