is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
