So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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