like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
