this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
