I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize