I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
