Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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