Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
