wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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