You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
