Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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