we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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