maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
