I think I won the penis lottery.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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