A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They have beer where we have blood.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
