Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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