You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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