Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
