Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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