i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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