I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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